It was Memorial Day weekend last year when I really started on this path down this healing journey.
I went home to California for a wedding feeling a little under the weather but assumed it was just allergies since spring had really just sprung in Minnesota.
A month later when no amount of allergy, cold or flu medication did the trick, my throat was killing me and my energy levels completely non-existent, I went to the doctor to get tested for strep. When the strep test came back negative, she tested for mono. When the mono test came back negative, she scratched her head, told me to stick with the allergy meds and try to get more rest.
Two weeks later, I went to another doctor who told me the same thing. This time he prescribed me *more* allergy meds and said if i wasn’t feeling better in three weeks I should go to an Ear Nose Throat specialist.
At this point I could hardly swallow and there would be days where I was just so exhausted I couldn’t stand in the kitchen long enough to microwave leftovers for dinner.
Three weeks goes by, no change. So I make an appointment with an ENT.
10 minutes and a $600 bill later, he says “sounds like allergies” and suggests I try yet another allergy medication.
Two more weeks go by with no change and I’m going CRAZY.
I would push myself to go do things and move my body and try to bring some normalcy back into my life but would then be floored for the next few days. I wasn’t able to show up for friends and family and was an absolute drag to my very understanding boyfriend.
I heard a guest on The Balanced Blonde podcast (download episode 101 here to hear it) talking about her crazy misdiagnoses of and healing journey from something called Epstein-Barr Virus, a story and symptoms that sounded incredibly similar to mine. Without trying to dive too deep into the WebMD hole, i looked up the symptoms.
Everything matched.
I made a new appointment with my doctor and told him nothing was getting better and that I wanted to test for EBV. His dismissive response was that EBV is a form of mono and therefore it would be pointless since we already tested for it.
Everything in my soul was telling me this was it and I was finally going to have my answer. While nervous standing up to someone who felt to be such an authority figure, I knew this was the time to find my voice – even if it was a bit hoarse.
I told him that, with all due respect and according to what I’d read about it, EBV is actually different enough from mono that it wouldn’t always come up on a mono test and that I was going to take the test, to which he begrudgingly accepted.
When the results came back, I was informed that though the virus wasn’t currently in my body, the antibodies that fight off the virus were – meaning the virus had fairly recently been in my body.
I was RIGHT.
This is not a “F*ck Western medicine, Big Pharma, and gender bias that downplays women’s health concerns/pain” post, but if it was, could you blame me?
Rather, it’s a long-winded attempt to get you to see that this shift did not happen over night.
While there is no cure besides rest and more rest (neither of which I did well), it was so nice to have an answer, something I could point to and go, “Okay, now that we know what’s wrong, we can try to make it right.”
While I was still trying to figure out why I was so sick, my world was open and receptive to a whole spectrum of healing modalities.
I’ve learned the healing process is more than a test result, waiting out the medication to do its job or a muscle to repair itself. It’s all the other ways you learn to practice compassion with yourself in these trying times; when you tell your mind, body and soul that just because things are hard, you’re not giving up.
My healing process has manifested itself in so many ways. From finding herbs and supplements that support other functions in my body to a deeper appreciation for meditation, massages and chiropractic adjustments to jade rolling in the mornings, trying something new to saying “no,” listening to high-vibe podcasts when I’m not ready to sit in the quiet and journaling practices when I am.
The time and energy I devote to myself now to really checking in and the self-awareness that has come from this is mind-boggling.
I’m so much more grateful for my overall health, for each day that I wake up with energy to move my body and make time for loved ones.
There are still days where I wake up more drained than when I went to bed, where it feels like my brain has completely shut off and the fear creeps back in that maybe there’s something more at play in my body.
But I know that no matter what, I’ll find a way to get there and get through it stronger, and more me than ever before.
What does healing look like for you? Leave a comment below or on my Instagram post here.
But wait, there’s more. Check out some of my other latest posts below.
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